The Killer Teddy Bear!
by Molly Renata
Summary: Um, randomness? I was in a random mood and created this weird beyond weird story where the most innocent thing turns into Godzilla.


The Killer Teddy Bear!  
  
Note: Yes, I am perfectly aware of the fact that I have the most twisted mind of any writer on this planet, but hey, there's still about... say, two billion other solar systems in this galaxy alone and I have no idea how many there are in the universe. So maybe someone out there has a more twisted mind than me. But I doubt it.  
  
Warning: Much insanity! If you cannot tolerate a rampaging stuffed animal tearing down buildings and mobile suits alike, stay away! I warned you! :p  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own any of these. All I own is my ideas. And anyone who thinks I own anything else should shoot themselves or get mental help because they are delusional or stupid.  
  
~*~  
  
Before I get on with the story:  
  
This is a non-yaoi fic! If any of you sick minded people out there come in here, don't be expecting to be reading anything that you honestly can't fit into your hentai mind. So, yaoi fans turn back!  
  
Oh, and there should be some OOCness, especially with Heero.  
  
Okay, now back to the story.  
  
~*~  
  
"I suppose it's just an ordinary day," Heero said, looking around. It was indeed an ordinary day, with a nearly cloudless sky and crowded streets. Normally he didn't go for walks like this, but he was feeling particularly cheerful today and had decided to go out for a while.  
  
What he didn't notice was the impending danger.  
  
Suddenly, he heard a loud, VERY loud - as in blasting your ears out loud - squeak. He looked up to try to find the source of the problem... and it was a teddy bear. It was taller than a three-story house, but it was a teddy bear. It let out an enraged squeak as it smashed a car into the ground, picking it up and heaving it at the street again.  
  
Heero did the only thing he could think of. He whipped out his gun from wherever he keeps it and shot at the teddy bear twice. The monstrous stuffed animal was completely unharmed. Seeing this, Heero ran.  
  
~*~  
  
"The Perfect Soldier, scared away by a teddy bear," Duo said. Then he suddenly burst out laughing. "Nice joke! You almost had me there!"  
  
"I'm serious," Heero said. "It was taller than a three-story house. And it was strong enough to pick up a car. And it was completely unharmed by two shots to the head." He paled. "And the car it picked up was seemingly aimed at me, but somehow missed."  
  
"Feel lucky it missed you," Trowa said. "Even though you're the Perfect Soldier, chances are you would've died had that thing hit you."  
  
"A teddy bear?" Wufei said. "Teddy bears are for weaklings. There is no way such a weak thing could've -"  
  
"It wasn't weak," Heero said. "Remember, it survived two shots to the head. And it also picked up a car and threw it at me. It's out there. Somewhere."  
  
"Big deal," Duo said. "Just get in Wing Zero. You should be able to take it down easily."  
  
"No, I don't think I should," Heero replied. "If we run into this thing again, we might need the whole Gundam team to take it out. Maybe even a few backups."  
  
"Impossible!" Duo said. "It can't be that strong. Maybe it can pick up cars and throw them, but it can't possibly disable Wing Zero."  
  
"Wanna bet?" Quatre said before covering his mouth and blushing.  
  
~*~  
  
Heero watched in horror as the teddy bear ripped apart both of the Leos that had been sent to attack it. It then grew in size and turned towards Wing Zero. Not caring about who it stepped on, it ran over to Wing Zero and ripped off its arms. The disabled suit merely stood there.  
  
Another loud crunch was heard as Altron smashed about thirteen cars. Then both its arms were ripped off by the killer teddy bear. Then the bear, deciding it wasn't enough, ripped off Altron's head.  
  
"INJUSTICE!!!" an enraged Wufei screamed. "How did it do that!?"  
  
"I don't think we can beat it alone," Heero said. "We might have to call for help." As usual, he looked to the ZERO System for help. But it couldn't give him any. "Is this thing malfunctioning!?"  
  
The teddy bear heard his voice and charged at Wing Zero, but the suit dodged just in time and the teddy bear ran facefirst into a building.  
  
Which didn't even KO it.  
  
The teddy bear laughed maniacally and charged at Altron again, but Wufei didn't know it was coming. It ripped off Altron's left leg, and the suit collapsed into a building, but somehow didn't explode.  
  
"Injustice!" Wufei yelled yet again. "This can't be happening!"  
  
The teddy bear then began yelling at Wufei in some foreign language... it sounded a little like a mix of German and Chinese.  
  
"And to add to that, the teddy bear of Shinigami is multilingual," Quatre said, moving onto the scene in Sandrock.  
  
"Not to mention fluent in every language it knows," Heero muttered.  
  
The teddy bear yelled something at Wufei in Chinese. 05 blushed.  
  
"What did he just say?" Heero asked.  
  
"Something about..." Wufei said, incapable of finishing the sentence.  
  
Deathscythe and Heavyarms ran onto the scene, but the teddy bear saw Sandrock first and snapped both its heat blades in half, then went for its arms and tore them off. It then whirled around to see the two new Gundams coming and ran over to Deathscythe, relieved it of its scythe, and ripped off its arms and left leg. Deathscythe collapsed into another building, somehow not exploding.  
  
"This is so NOT a cool way to die!" Duo yelled.  
  
"Calm down. We don't even know if it wants to..." Trowa was cut off by the left arm of Heavyarms falling clean off, followed by the right arm.  
  
"Guess it's not HeavyARMS anymore," Duo said, trying to add some humor to the situation.  
  
Everyone else, including the teddy bear, ignored him.  
  
Then the teddy bear turned to Sandrock and began cussing in Arabic.  
  
Quatre sweatdropped and said, "Well, there goes another ounce of my pride..."  
  
Then Heero got bombarded by several insults in Japanese.  
  
Heero blushed.  
  
"What, the Perfect Soldier can't tolerate a couple of remarks?" Duo said.  
  
Then he was bombarded by several insults in English.  
  
Out in the open.  
  
From a mutant teddy bear.  
  
Everyone who was present turned red.  
  
~*~  
  
Surprisingly, it didn't take long for another suit to arrive on the scene. Surprisingly, it was Epyon.  
  
Which scared the crap out of the teddy bear.  
  
"Looks like the mutant, evil, multilingual, enlarging teddy bear from Hell is scared of something," Duo said.  
  
Epyon finally ended the horror by slicing off the teddy bear's head.  
  
"I will never think of teddy bears as weak again..." Wufei muttered, seemingly mourning the incomplete destruction of Nataku.  
  
"And if any idiot badmouths my family name again..." Quatre muttered, "I'll kill them."  
  
"It was a teddy bear," Heero said. "How was IT supposed to know?"  
  
Just then, Relena came onto the scene, and gasped at the state of Wing Zero.  
  
"Heero! Are you okay?" the distraught pacifist yelled.  
  
"I'll be fine," Heero said. "I think I can get the suit repaired in case another mutant teddy bear attacks."  
  
"Mutant teddy bear?" Relena wondered. "Maybe it was that one that belonged to the kid across the street from my best friend...?"  
  
~* Owari *~ 


End file.
